Empty
by beavex3
Summary: Edward left, her and Jake tried dating, didn't work out. Now they're best friends. Bella comes home on winter break from college and has a doctor's appointment with a very special doctor.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Please read and review, I know where i want to take this story but i need some encouragement. Let me know what you think :]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Characters, they belong to the beautiful Stephenie Meyer.**

"_you're not good for me, Bella."_

"_Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

His words replayed in my mind every time I made a move to "live" my so-called life. When he left it I didn't wake up for months. He was wrong, time did nothing for me but pass slowly. I pulled my act together and focused on school, after graduation I spent the summer connecting with friends before we went in our separate directions to our new lives. Jake was my saving grace, he helped me learn to live through the pain. At first it was strange, he desired me in a different way than I did him. To be fair, we tried and he realized that the love we shared was that of a brother and sister. Agape. As the Greeks would say: unconditional, family love. It was nobody's fault, or was it their responsibility to fix me, and Jake tried arduously. Watching him suffer through observing my pain was what pushed me to try harder. I wasn't happy where I was, as I lay in this bed next to an old high school friend, but at least I was "living." Even if that meant simply going through the motions.

Mike's apartment bedroom was dark and chilly. The alarm clock on the end-table read 1:24 am. The sheets were intertwined with our bodies as I lay there thinking about how I ended up on this full-sized bed, wrapped in the arms of someone I didn't love. Carefully, I repositioned Mike's arms to free myself from this entrapment, temporarily. After slipping into my robe and tightening it I moved from the bedroom to the open living, dining, and kitchen area and switched on the lights and turning up the thermostat. Tall glass bottles and red plastic cups littered the exposed rooms. Mike's friends left earlier that night, after he had consumed his tenth beer. The stagger in his step and slur in his speech indicated that I was to keep out of his way. Sweet when sober, dangerous when drunk.

But, this was the life that was mine now. The normal path I would have followed was torn away from me after it was in my reach for so long, teasing me. My future family, gone. My love, life, meaning, gone. With just a few choice words they departed. This was fate's plan B for me, and I learned to accept this. My brief shot at happiness was over, but those few months spent with _him_ were enough happiness to push me through the rest of my dreary existence. My memories were all I had left. Knowing that he does exist, chasing down his distractions today, let me know that I wasn't insane. But those memories were also the origin of the gaping hole in my chest, where my heart once was. Now, it was somewhere chasing those distractions with _him_.

As were my thoughts as I recycled bottles of beer, and threw out the plastic cups. After the apartment was no longer disheveled I snatched my copy of fragments of Sappho and began to write my paper for my civilizations class. This was the time I often set aside to finish my homework, the dead of the night was the most quiet I found with Mike on nights like this. They were occurring more frequently. Yes, he snored loudly in the other room and those harrowing memories connected with the void in my chest threatened to resurface, but this was the best I could manage. I was not in love with Mike Newton, but being in his company helped to quell the sting of loneliness since my best friend, Jake, was still in high school and protecting the people of La Push from vampires.

"but you, O blessed one,

Smiled in your deathless face

And asked what (now again) I have suffered and why

(now again) I am calling out.

And what I want to happen most of all

In my crazy heart. Whom should I persuade (now again)

To lead you back into her love? Who, O

Sappho, is wronging you?"

Days and nights had no end, as they stretched into one long continuous state of time. Leaving was the only option, I had to allow her to take her life's natural path. I had fooled myself for so long believing that I could protect her, I was an erroneous presence in her life. She so easily believed the fabrication I created, "you're not good for me, Bella" was simple, I just had to reverse the truth. It was I that was no good for her.

Jasper felt guilty for the incident on her birthday, I reassured him on the few occasions that I visited my family this was solely my fault. I couldn't stay with them because I loved them as well, and I would not have my brother consumed with my anguish. Esme and Carlisle were distressed by my constant absence but being in their presence would be more difficult on them. All that mattered though, was that somewhere in this world, Bella, still breathed. The blood still flowed through her veins, pumping her still beating heart, creating the scarlet blush on her cheeks.

She, nor my family, would never know that I never truly left her for a time. After my family traveled to Alaska I remained on the outskirts of Forks. I never saw her, but was always near enough to sense any danger that would come near her. Months slowly passed before my resolve faltered and I found myself close enough to see her. She was with Jacob Black. He was growing at a fast pace and I trusted he would be more than enough to protect her in the human world. That was the day that I truly removed myself from her and distracted myself with a feeble attempt at tracking. Victoria had evaded my pursuit again so I found myself here in Alaska, paying a intermittent visit to my family. Esme glowed when I came through the door of the Denali coven's home where they were staying temporarily.

_I'm elated to see your face son._

_Welcome back._

_Edward, I'm sorry._

I couldn't find Alice's thoughts near Jasper but dismissed it, maybe she had taken a solo hunting expedition. I endured the sympathetic glances, and welcoming words laced with pity and remorse. They missed her almost as much as I. Jasper fervidly filled my body with calm and peaceful emotions, but they couldn't erase my thoughts. Without her, I was empty and hollow. My existence meant nothing but continuing to survive the agonizing pain until she grew old and living a normal, happy, healthy life.

_EDWARD! _the thoughts of Alice increased in volume in my head.

_Please, I need my best friend in my life again. You need to.. _and her thoughts were cut off with a vision, that I couldn't shield. I stood and watched the vision with her in grief. She promised she would not intrude on Bella's future, but her thoughts were innocent, this vision of my angel flooded her mind on no accord of her own. The vision didn't appear to show any danger, it was her and Jacob in a hospital room. He was comforting her, something I longed to do. _I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it just came, I wasn't looking for it. I'm so sorry you had to see that._

"Alice, it's okay. He's there for her, and I'm pleased to perceive that she has somebody."

Four pairs of golden eyes reflecting the black pools of anguish on my face. Pity filled their faces, I turned around and left my family again. This visit had been my briefest, but was the most I had communicated to any of them after her birthday.

"Jake, I can wait a year and go to college." I pleaded with him, gripping my chest.

"Bells, you have to go. You know I won't be going next year. I have to protect my tribe. You might as well go now and get it over with as soon as possible." Jacob removed my frail arms from my torso replacing them with his. He sighed, "He would want you to be happy and do something for yourself."

Tears escaped my eyes, as I peered up at my best friend, my brother. The dating thing didn't work, it was obvious during the awkward kiss we shared at First Beach at our spot. That day he discovered that he didn't truly desire me the way he assumed, and we were both okay with that. But now, he was trying to convince me to leave. As if leaving was what was best for me, leaving has never been effective for me. If I had never left Phoenix, he would have never left me. Sobs came at the thought of never meeting him, and I regretfully tried to take back my thoughts, forcing them into non-existence. He was the reason I was placed on this Earth, even if he didn't want me.

"I promise, it will be okay." and just like that I was packed and ready to start college at the University of Washington in Seattle. Home of the Huskies. Charlie and Jake helped move me in to my dorm at the beginning of the semester, the other half of the room was vacant. The girl who was understood to be my roommate, Sarah, had dropped out before she even made it here. Mike Newton attended UW as well, but he lived off campus in an apartment his parents paid the rent for. On our first day of classes we ran into each other. Our relationship grew from the strained one that we shared in Forks. We were the only people we knew here at the university. I continued to call and talk with Jake at night, but was increasingly spending more time with Mike during the day.

At first it was the same as the first day we met, I kept the relationship platonic. Diplomatically turning him down his advances. Needless to say, Jake was busy in La Push, wolf business, and the hole threatened to pull me apart limb by limb. I called Jake one Friday night from my empty dorm room, and he was out running patrol. Mike had invited me to his apartment earlier in the day, saying he was having a get together to meet people. As I sat on my bed with my knees to my chest, the beautiful voice came back. It was there during my weeks of recklessness, but had slowly died away after the adrenaline became a constant in my life. It was there the day I decided to let Jake in, it was the reason I did. He spoke the words verbatim from that rainy day.

"Be Happy."

Those two words were dangerous. Hopeless advice, there was no way I could be happy. I had already tried.

"Try again."

It was an hour before I finally resolved to attend Mike's party. I was handed a red cup filled with beer upon arrival, and hesitantly sipped off it. After I finished the first, the second and third came. Before I understood what was happening, Mike's lips were crushing mine and his body pushed me to his bedroom. I lost my virginity to Mike Newton. The next morning I felt sick, my head pounded and my stomach danced ferociously. The hangover was obsolete compared to the hole in my chest, it was palpably larger continually tearing me apart. That didn't matter though. Jake wasn't here, and Mike was the only company life would allow me.

By November, Mike and I were an item. Jake was discontent with my choice, but supported my decision to move on. I hadn't been home since I began school, Mike wouldn't let me leave. He was charming, and seemed to care about me during the day. But when the nights came, and the alcohol was in his system, the volatile Mike returned. Any miniscule disturbance would send him on a rampage. I shied away from him, and the night ended in what he called "make-up sex." He never hit me per se, but there were bruises on my body nonetheless from his strong grasp too tight on my side or my arms. But I didn't leave. Being lonely was worse, I was convinced of that much.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- i do not own twilight. :] please read and review, let me know what you think

Chapter 2

After my last final, I scrambled up the stairs to my dorm room to finish packing my belongings to return home. By the time I reached my room I was short of breath and thought to myself that I needed to start exercising again. I stared out the window, waiting for Mike to pull up with the suburban so we could head home for winter break. Charlie and Jake offered to pick me up, but Mike would have been upset. He had insisted that we ride home together, he was hoping we would make a few pit stops on the way to Forks and I prayed for the opposite.

After all my bags were crammed in the back with his we left UW. I fell asleep shortly after we began the journey and didn't wake up until Mike pulled into my driveway. Jake and Charlie scurried eagerly out of the house to greet us. My heavy eyes were on Mike and he groaned when he saw my best friend.

"Tired Bells?" Jake asked as he all but pulled my from the passenger's seat scooping me up into a bear hug. "Come on, it's only four sleepy head." After twirling me around to wake me up he placed me back on my feet so Charlie could have his turn welcoming me home.

"Thanks for bringing her home, Mike." he said after releasing me, shaking hands with him.

"No problem Chief Swan, but I have to get home soon," he said, reminding us to remove my luggage from his trunk. Jake showed off his werewolf muscles by removing all of my luggage at once and carrying it inside the house with no help from Charlie or Mike.

"I'll see you later, Bella." Mike delicately placed a kiss on my lips and hopped back in his suburban and backed out of the driveway. I made my way into the house, exhausted from the day, and flopped onto the sofa.

"Honey, wake up." Charlie demanded softly. From my place on the sofa I could see the sun pouring in through the front window. Assuming it decided to come out while I was asleep I pushed myself up to start making dinner. My body ached from the foreign position I napped in. "I'll see you later Bells, I'm heading to the station."

"Wait, what about dinner?" I said as I rubbed my eyes, yawning.

"You mean breakfast?" Charlie chuckled and pointed to the clock on the wall. "It's morning, you passed out as soon as you came through the door and slept straight through dinner and the night. Jake was a bit miffed he didn't get to spend time with you, but he'll be around sometime after noon. Half-day on the reservation today."

I bid my father farewell and a nice day then staggered up the stairs to unpack. A smile crept across my face when I discovered all my bags had been unpacked and my clothes were in the bureau. My bathroom bag was laid out on my bed. A shower would be a great way to wake up since sixteen or so hours of sleep failed to revitalize me. The hot water splashed my face as I stepped into the shower. I stood there motionless allowing the temperature of the water to warm my bruise covered body. The bruises I was most concerned about were the ones on my arms, but they were slowly fading. My rib cage was slightly visible, it seemed an extraordinary feat to gain weight. The water was slowly cooling just as I finished washing my hair. Examining my pale face in the fogged up mirror I thought of Alice, she would be disappointed with how I had let myself go.

Downstairs there was a knocking on the door. I rushed into my robe and down the stairs to answer it, tripping slightly before I made it to the door. Mike was leaning against the doorframe when I opened it. His eyes focused on me in my robe with my drenched hair. He immediately walked in and moved his hands to expose my body.

"Mike, stop. I don't feel that well." I said.

"Come on, you slept the whole way home, and you never called me last night."

"I fell asleep right after I walked through the door, I don't know what's wrong with me." He followed me into the kitchen filled with suspicions, peeking into the living room.

"Really? Sure you weren't with the La Push kid last night?" his words became an interrogation.

"Mike stop, he's like a brother to me. Ask Charlie. I woke up this morning with the intention of making him dinner." I raided the cupboards for cereal and a bowl.

"Whatever," was all he said before turning to leave. "Tonight I'm meeting up with Eric, Tyler, Jessica, Lee, and Lauren. Should I pick you up or are you going to be sleeping all again?"

"I'll call you. Seriously, I think I'm coming down with the flu or something." He seemed to mull over my words standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He came back to me, kissed me on the cheek and turned again to leave.

After I finished eating my breakfast I came across my Jane Austen compilation and decided to read until Jake showed up. It was a compilation of Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility and Persuasion. These were very familiar novels to me, and I chose to read Pride & Prejudice to avoid the characters with similar names as _him_. Jane had just fallen ill at Netherfield when sleep grasped a hold of me yet again.

"Bells, please don't tell me you're sleeping again." Jake said after slamming the door. He observed me rubbing my eyes and searching for the time. "College really that exhausting?"

"I'm just feeling under the weather lately." I groaned.

"Too much partying?" he said, chuckling.

"Something like that." I knew I could tell Jake anything, but I wasn't sure how he would feel about my life in college. Was I going to jeopardize the only relationship I had with a human in college? "I stay at Mike's a lot."

"Ew, Bella. I don't want to hear about you up all night doing the dirty." he acted disgusted, but underneath he was happy that I was moving on. This was going to break me. I loved Jake but was keeping him in the dark a good idea? My sunlight couldn't shine on me if I didn't allow him. As I thought about it tears formed in my eyes. Jake reached his hand to my face wiping away the traitor on my cheek. The rain was pouring from the dreary sky. It was similar to way my life felt without _him_ and Jake was the only person who managed to hinder the rain.

"He parties a great deal and I usually don't get to my homework until the late hours of the night, when he's passed out." I couldn't make my blurry eyes meet Jake's as I came clean. "Mike's a menacing drunk. But I have no one else there, I've fallen into this relationship and have no exit strategy."

Jake threw his arms around me in a comforting embrace, pulling me closer to his warmth. He murmured reassuring words as he slowly rocked me back and forth. Soon silent tears became painful sobs as my mind deviated from Mike to _him_. My personal sun understood the difference, and help me tighter aware of the hole that throbbed in my chest. I could handle that I didn't love Mike. I could handle that I would never experience the love I once felt for _him_. I could handle being tired all the time. I could even handle the way Mike man-handled me. But I couldn't begin to fathom the despair from when he left. It was becoming too much. The only thing holding me here, keeping me alive, was long gone.

I laid there in Jake's arms for over an hour before the cries subsided. He stroked my hair in silence and I could feel my heavy eyelids drooping. My body shivered and it sparked Jake's attention.

"That's weird. I'm 108 degrees, are you really cold?"

"Huh?" I replied fighting to keep my eyes open. Deciding the best defense against sleep was to sit up straight I pushed myself off of Jake. In my clumsy effort to right myself my long sleeve slid up as it rubbed against Jake's side. We both saw the yellowing bruises on my arm before I quickly pulled my sleeve back down.

"BELLA?!"

"It's not what you think, honestly. I bruise really easy, and then it's an eternity before they fade away. This is from weeks ago." Jake knew I was being sincere since I was a terrible liar. "Well, they are from him. But, it's not like he beats me. He's just not gentle with me, at night."

Jake stood up, his body was trembling and I decided to shut up to allow him space to calm himself. He muttered profanities under his breath, pacing back and forth. I slipped out of the room unnoticed and decided to put together lunch, knowing Jake would be hungry. In the kitchen my appetite vanished. I exited the living room, ascended the stairs and went into my room, slamming the door behind me. Jake must be contagious I thought as anger boiled inside of me. There was a framed picture of Mike and I from this summer. We were at first beach, his arm was around me. Angela insisted on capturing some final memories before we went in separate directions. I thought back to the first night that Mike and I slept together. Sleeping with Mike felt like I was betraying _him._ The picture, taken on a rare sunny day, sat on my bureau staring at me. Groaning in frustration I removed it from it's position and chucked it at the wall. Glass shattered on impact and fell to the floor. Adrenaline and hatred pumped through my veins and the rampage began. Everything that held a memory was at risk. I paced back in forth in my room, throwing items that once held sentimental meaning, I kicked my bed, bureau and desk. A loose floorboard tripped me, of course and I crumpled to the floor as Jake came rushing in.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked, kneeling beside me.

"The fucking floor tripped me." I seethed, covering my mouth after I realized what slipped. Jake giggled and investigated the loose floorboard.

"It looks like there's something under here." he loosened it up more, using his brawn, when something shiny became visible. "Looks like a CD case."

"You can pull up the floorboard, I don't mind." I said, curious to what was hiding in my floor. He ripped the board from it's place and my heart sank. The only objects that held the right sentimental meaning to me laid there, collecting dust.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight, although i do own a copy of the book (and the entire saga) and a copy of the movie. *sigh* i love SM :] let me know what you guys think

Chapter 3

Disbelief and shock surged through my body keeping the anger company. There, under my floorboards for over a year lay the things I had desperately needed. _"It will be as if I never existed." _The stupid, arrogant vampire. First, I examined the plane tickets I received for my 18th birthday from Esme and Carlisle. Expired, like me. Jake discovered the pictures from those last few days of _my_ life. He thumbed through them as I inhaled deeply and picked up the jewel CD case, removed the contents and placed it in my stereo. I didn't press play, I wasn't sure how I would react, but I knew I wanted to be alone.

"Do you want to see these?" Jake asked cautiously. I nodded and he handed me the photographs. The first one was him, before the incident with Jasper. The crooked smile that stole my heart numerous times was there, in all of its glory, reaching his stunning, amber eyes. They stared back at me, filled with love and adoration. I couldn't look at the rest of the pictures. This was how I wished to remember him, even though he would never stare at me with that look in his eyes again.

"Edward." I whispered haggardly, with my eyes shut tightly. It was the first time his name had crossed my lips in so long. My breaths came in sharp intervals. Jake tried to put his arms around me but I avoided them. So many thoughts and emotions were running through me. I wanted to scream, I wanted for him to hear me. My body was sore, my bones ached. Was relief too much to ask for? Was this discovery for the good, or would the hole do me in now. I decided to take my chances, and pressed play on the stereo knowing exactly what track I wanted to hear.

My lullaby flooded my room. To my astonishment, the melody that I inspired ages ago soothed me now. The notes calmed me down until the only emotion I had left in me was serenity. In my head I could see his marble, pale hands dancing across the keys of his grand piano. He was looking at me, like he was in the picture, as he poured his heart and soul into the composition. Then, the nights he hummed me to sleep inundated my mind. He was here, in this room, holding me on my bed. Charlie was either downstairs or in his room oblivious to the sleepovers I had with Edward. The song pouring out of the speakers slowly came to a close and I pressed stop before it could end.

The wonderful memories came storming back, almost letting me forget of the scene in the forest. Saying his name again, was magical. The hole throbbed, but not painfully. As if that's what it wanted the whole time. But, he would never be back. Even if I did have proof he existed, he would never be back. He promised. Did my impending death really influence him to believe that we weren't meant to be together? Did almost losing me convince him he didn't love me? Did he realize that, if I died, he could move on? Did he see that, if he ceased to exist, I wouldn't be able to live? What had gone wrong?

Jake was still sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching me gingerly. I smiled at him reassuringly. I knew it wasn't relief, or happiness. But now I did have proof. He did exist. And, we loved each other. Maybe not the same, but the look in his eyes and emotion in my lullaby proved that he did love me. Not anymore, but he did once. And that was all I needed to survive.

"What happened to your room?" Charlie asked standing in the doorway. I didn't realize how long Jake and I had sat in my room silently. He didn't leave me as I worked through my past. I was grateful for him. He was the one good thing I was allowed to have.

"Oh, I uhm sort of had a tantrum." I replied with the most innocent expression I could muster. Charlie shook his head and turned to go back down the stairs after telling us he brought home pizza.

Charlie was smart and brought home two large pizzas, one for him and I, the other for Jake. I felt bad for not making Jake his lunch, but he didn't seem to mind. Coming to grips with my past seemed to have contented him. After dinner I called Mike to tell him I wasn't feeling any better, which was the truth. I was running a slight fever and needed to sit with my 108 degree werewolf to heat me up. The rest of the night consisted of watching movies Charlie brought home from the rental store. I, of course, fell asleep during the first one and Jake carried me up to my room and tucked me in.

The next morning I woke up before Charlie had left. We ate breakfast together, he read the paper and I sat there silently.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked laying the paper on the table.

"Tired, still a little feverish." I replied.

"I'm going to make you a doctors appointment, you're starting to worry me with all this sleeping." he said as he stood up from his chair, and carried his empty dishes to the sink.

"dad, I'm fine. It's common to fall ill in college, being around all the people."

"Jake told me about your bruises," he paused, "That they happened real easily and slowly faded. My sister was anemic, and it's something that needs to be taken care of if that's the case."

I accepted his offer to make me a doctor's appointment, he was pleased. Charlie left for work, and I was alone again. The rain fell from the sky lightly outside, unavoidable here in Forks. My only desire for the day was to stay inside. I picked up Jane Austen from where I fell asleep in Pride & Prejudice, but it didn't hold my attention. All I could think about was the discovery my ineptness made yesterday. I thought about Edward, able to say his name without wanting to die, and immediately knew that there was something I needed to do.

When I called Mike he said he would be at his parents store working for the day. I drove over there when I knew he would be on break to talk to him. Mike was leaning against the wall of the store. I parked close so I wouldn't have to walk far, but instead he let himself into my truck wearing a pained look on his face.

"Hi." he said, his only word and his expression filled with guilt.

"Um, Hi. I think we need to talk." I said, bewildered.

"Did Jessica call you?"

"No, why would she call," then realization hit, Mike did something last night. "What happened?"

"I'm so sorry, babe. She came onto me last night. I had a few too many beers and we, well it just happened. I promise you it will never happen again." Mike continued pleading with me but none of his words struck a chord with me. A normal girl would have been heartbroken, felt betrayed. I was relieved. Was this the relief I had begged for yesterday?

"Mike, it's okay."

"You forgive me, really? I'll make it up to you, I promise. For the rest of my life." I cut him off before he went to far and said something irrational.

"Mike, I forgive you yes. But, we can't, we can't be together anymore." For once, I met his eyes unafraid of his reaction. Well, I should have been.

"What! Are you crazy?" he yelled. "Bella, I love you. I can't live without you. You and I are going to stay together." His voice quaked, and he was visibly shaken.

"Mike, I'm sorry."

"No." he screamed and grabbed my wrists locking them at my sides. His lips forced themselves on mine. For once, I fought back. Using the weight of my body, I pushed back on him as I desperately attempted to turn my head away from his. Mike released my wrists and violently ran his hands through his hair.

"Get out." I demanded. He glared at me with his menacing blue eyes, and I glared back. He opened the door, stepped out and slammed it. After he had stormed inside the store I left. New bruises would be on my wrists, but I had fought back. An overwhelming feeling of power washed over me.

On my drive back to the house I realized I didn't want to be alone. The thriftway came into view and I turned in. The deli was open and I bought Charlie's favorite cold-cut combo and myself a sandwich. After paying and catching up with Mrs. Cope who I met on my way out, I headed to the station to bring Charlie his lunch. He was surprised and delighted by my visit. We kept up small talk while we ate, but there was something Charlie wasn't telling me. He would always open his mouth slightly to say something, shut it, then say something else.

"So, did you make me an appointment with Dr. Gerandy?" I asked.

"Uh, yes." he said timidly.

"Well, when do I have to go in?"

"Tomorrow, actually." he said, avoiding contact with my eyes. "You won't just be meeting with Gerandy, though. Dr. Cullen is going to be at the hospital tomorrow, teaching a seminar and insisted on checking up on you."

A lump formed in my throat. I wondered if maybe Alice had seen me going to the doctors, and was using it as an excuse to see me. Edward promised his family wouldn't be a presence in my life anymore, he must not know. I couldn't get my hopes up, it was just Carlisle, though I did miss him dearly too. Tomorrow was a Saturday, maybe I could convince Jake to keep me company. Then again that might not be a good idea with a Cullen in the vicinity.

When I arrived home from lunch with Charlie Jake's rabbit was sitting in the driveway empty, of course he would let himself in. I smiled at the thought of the level of comfort in our relationship, knowing I would do the same if I had gone to his house. Jake was in the kitchen sitting at the table with books. I laughed at the sight of him, attempting his homework.

"Need some help?" I asked.

"Okay, miss smarty pants college girl." he replied. I sat down next to Jake and looked over the papers filled with his chaotic scrawl. The book's margin was covered with notes, either from Jake or students who previously used the textbook. He was working in the completely wrong direction, but I managed to teach him the proper Pythagorean theorem. A light lit in his face after he discovered how easy math could be and he thanked me profusely. I laughed it off, and he appreciatively added another few years to my "real" age. After he finished his homework we perched ourselves on the sofa to watch the rest of the rented movies, and like clockwork I was asleep before the conflict in the film began.

I was awaken in the middle of the night by a squeezing in my stomach. The alarm clock next to my bed read 1:30, and the darkness of my room let me know it was in the AM. Reluctantly, I lifted myself up in my bed, unable to see through my sleep filled eyes. Shivers ran down my spine, and sweat down face. I remembered seeing Tylenol in the medicine cabinet, hopefully it would cure this fever. My stomach became queasy as I made the trek to the bathroom. I found the Tylenol quickly, obtaining two and descended the stairs, gripping the banister tight. After two glasses of water I decided traveling back up the stairs to my bedroom was not in my best interest and settled for a fleece blanket and the comfort of the couch. Sleep came slowly because I was too tired to sleep. I kept thinking about what my clumsiness helped me discover yesterday. The plane tickets that were never used, and became expired. I wondered if that was how I was going to end up, unused and expired, for the rest of my life, laughing it off when I thought back to my relationship with Mike. He used me, well my body, of course. It hurt to realize that was the one thing I would never be able to offer Edward. My plan had been to save myself for him, but that failed miserably. Not that I would ever have the chance to be with again, and at that thought the hole in my chest began to burn with pain of realization. Tears welled up in my eyes and I slowly cried myself into an unmerciful state of unconsciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I, unfortunately, do not own twilight. Please read and review, folks. Thanks for the reviews so far, and the favoriting and alerting :]

Chapter 4

The waiting room in the medical center was welcoming in an ironic way. The color scheme was warm, and the chairs were comfortable. Magazines littered the tables to occupy the worried mind of patients. Charlie came with me for moral support, Jake wanted to tag along but I insisted he had some patrolling to catch up on, and I was right. I wasn't concerned about my health, it was seeing Carlisle again that had me on edge. Excitement and anxiety equally occupying my mind. The nurse came out and called my name, I motioned to Charlie to stay, and I followed her through the doors. She led me to a vacant room and questioned me about my medical history. After thoroughly investigating my prior illnesses and hospital visits she let me know the doctor would be with me shortly.

The examination room became yet another waiting room. I could hear the sounds of doctors and nurses in the hallway, chatting and laughing. After more time passed I grew more impatient and seriously considered leaving when the door handle turned. My heart began to beat out of my chest and I was sure that the face I would see next would be the inhumanely beautiful father of the Cullen's. To my satisfaction and dismay it was Dr. Gerandy. He did the normal check-up with me, asking me about the fever and exhaustion. I played it off as stress from college, but my terrible lying skills were to no avail. Dr. Gerandy examined my bruises, and decided to test me for anemia as Charlie had suspected.

"I'm going to need complete blood counts to determine if anemia is the problem, and to rule out some others." he said, "The symptoms appear to be anemic though, and if that so happens to be the case you'll need to start a diet enriched with iron and other vitamins. If treated properly, this won't be a problem. But we'll figure the rest out after the results are in."

My stomach grew queasy, as I knew the only way to test my blood was to have it drawn. A nurse came in to direct me to the lab where the dreaded procedure would be done. I sat down in the frightful chair and waited for someone to come with a needle. To calm my nerves I shut my eyes tightly, humming my lullaby to distract myself.

"Hello Bella," a musical voice sang. I faltered, wondering if I should open my eyes to see doctor vampire or keep them shut and locked to get this monstrosity of an event over with. I chose the former.

"Uhm, hi, C-Carlisle." I stuttered. "Are you going to do what I think you're going to do?"

"I promise it will be quick, I understand you're relationship with blood so I decided I would help you through this." he promised with a warm smile. I wish he had understood my relationship with his son, and had helped me through that by sticking around. But I chose not to voice my opinions, instead wrapping my free arm around my torso to hold myself together. I closed my eyes when I saw him arrange the materials to draw my blood.

"All done." he said, and I opened my eyes to see his face still beaming. "You are free to go, but I must warn you, Alice couldn't keep herself away today. She is with your father in the waiting room right now. I will inform you of the results as soon as I know them myself."

"Alice, is here?" I asked. He nodded. "Is it just, the two of you?"

"Naturally Esme and Jasper are with us." he said after brief hesitation. I said no more, suddenly anxious to see my best friend, stumbling as I threw myself out of the chair. Carlisle caught me before I fell, and pointed the way to the waiting room with an amused expression.

Just beyond the door in front of me was the waiting room, all I needed to do was twist the knob to see the face of my best friend. I wanted to urgently, but I was afraid of what seeing her would do to me, even seeing Carlisle was going to leave it's mark. Hesitating was all I had been doing, and I decided to be forceful. Using the residual power from yesterday when I denied Mike, I thrust open the door. A pair of golden eyes stared at me exuberantly. The pixie ran to me in her fastest human speed and encased me in her arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I braced myself in her hold.

"Bella, it's going to be okay. Don't cry." she whispered softly into my ear. "you have to be strong for Charlie."

"I'm just, so happy to see you." I said between sniffs.

"Ditto." she replied and waited for the tears to evaporate before letting go. "Now, let's get you home, I promised Charlie I would drive you home safely."

"Why did he leave, not that I mind the ride." I asked.

"Charlie was called into the station. There was an animal attack." she answered. She held onto me firmly as I began to quaver. Jake was out in the forest on patrol with the other wolves. Fear for them distracted me, I knew she was back.

"Victoria." I breathed out, to let Alice know.

"No, I'm fairly certain it's not her. I haven't seen her." She paused, distressed. "I can't see her at all."

"It's her. The wolves ran her off months ago. But she came back, she keeps coming back." I informed her, alarmed my seer best friend couldn't see the omnipresent danger of Victoria. I was hoping she would see if the wolves would ever take care of her. Then it dawned on me. "You must not be able to see her because of the wolves. That has to be it."

"Werewolves? Like the La Push tribe's wolves? I thought the pack had died out." She said to herself.

"Your family brought them back." I stated.

"We need to get to your house, now." She said while picking me up and bolting from the hospital. She didn't bother using a car, as it would not have been fast enough. Alice ran the whole way from the hospital to my house. I closed my eyes, knowing the speed and stillness this form of travel had would make me queasy. Within minutes Alice placed me on my feet in front of the house. She stood motionless in the driveway and I scurried to the door, it was unlocked. As I was about to step in the house Alice put a restraining arm around me.

"Bella. You can't go in there." She said.

"Why not?"

"I can't see what happens once you step in there. And it reeks." she answered wrinkling her nose.

"I could say the same thing about you" I heard Jake seethe as he placed himself in the doorframe. Victoria's back, naturally Jake would be here. Alice and Jake glared at each other, at first I was bewildered then annoyed took it's place. I almost forgot about the whole "mortal enemies" thing.

"Jake, Alice isn't going to hurt me."

"I'm more concerned about him hurting you. Leave it to you Bella to find a new kind of dangerous mythical creature to hang out with." she interjected.

"I'm not dangerous to her, bloodsucker." Jake said, his body shaking violently. "Leave, again."

"Jake! Stop. Both of you." I pleaded with the two of them. Alice was the first to regain her composure.

"Sorry, Bella." she said. "I was caught off guard. I'm not accustomed to the lack of foresight. Jacob, I need to speak with Bella. She will be safe with me, she always has been I promise you this."

"I can't be here if you are anyways," he said to her, then turned to me. "Bells, I'm sorry. I can't protect you here. The redheaded leach is back, though. Please, be safe. Call me when she leaves."

"Jake, it doesn't have to be like this." I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

"Yes it does, Bella. When they're gone I'll come back, but the treaty clearly states this is their territory." His eyes were full of remorse. Jake was conflicted. He wanted to stay, but he knew he couldn't.

"Jacob, when I can't be with Bella you need to be." Alice spoke up. "Forget the age old treaty, my family only cares about Bella's well-being. If Victoria is around, Bella needs to be protected, although I don't understand her motive for being here." Jake nodded, and ran off towards the woods. He could only control his anger for so long, and he cared for me enough to trust my judgment, I assumed. After he was out of sight Alice and I retreated into the house.

"She's after me."

"No, I looked for that." Alice said with faltering confidence.

"It's the truth. Months ago, I ran into Laurent. He was here for Victoria, said she wanted revenge. Mate for a mate. Laurent said he would kill me painlessly, it would be better than enduring what she had planned for me. But, the wolves came and killed him. They've been defending me and La Push against her ever since. That must be why you can't see her coming. Especially since the wolves are so heavily intertwined with her decisions." Alice looked at me inquisitively. Before I could control myself I was crying out every last detail of my life after her family's abrupt departure. She flinched when I told her about my relationship with Mike. When I came to the part about the bruises and how they led to the doctors appointment I was officially run dry of tears. Alice shook her head and muttered under her breath to her self. She scolded me for behaving so recklessly, and applauded how I dealt with Mike the last time I saw him. Suddenly, Alice's eyes went blank but she quickly came back to.

"Perfect." she muttered. "Jacob Black is coming back, I presume. Which is good, I need to make some phone calls and have a quick hunting trip. Carlisle will have your results soon, and I will go with you to see him again. Ask Jake if he would like to come, I don't see the results anymore." she said with a wink, kissed me on the cheek and then vanished. Jake came into the living room then.

"So?" I asked, understanding Jake had something to report.

"Sam, Paul and Embry ran her off, she seems to be staying away but we're doubling up on patrol anyhow. They told me to stay with you as a precaution." he conveyed.

"Okay, Alice said you were coming with us to see my blood count results anyways." I said, and he scoffed. "It's not like that, Carlisle is practically immune to the smell of human blood you know."

"Look, Bella. I'm going to put up with them. Don't take it to heart when me and the leeches don't meet eye to eye, but I'm doing this for you, Bells." he said and wrapped me in a warm embrace.

Charlie was home before Alice came back. I had fed Jake lunch, and then made an early dinner for both Charlie and Jacob. I wasn't the least bit surprised how much Jake was able to eat, running the extra patrols was energy consuming. A wave of guilt consumed me as I thought of the Quileute boys, running around in their wolf forms because of me. Alice showed up and told us to meet Carlisle at the hospital for my test results, not meeting my eyes. This made me nervous, and I was suddenly conscious of who may be there. Then tossed that thought out of my mind knowing that would never be the case. Alice must have been distracted by the whole not-seeing-the-revenge-crazed-vampire-because-of-dogs thing, and I let the matter slide.

Jake and I rode to the hospital in Charlie's cruiser, following Alice in Carlisle's Mercedes. Upon parking I grew nervous about the results. Of course it was standard procedure to meet with the doctor about the results. If it was anemia, I would accept it and move on with my life making sure I consumed enough iron to satisfy my blood's needs. Was it a cruel joke that my existence was to be centered around my blood? I laughed a humorless chuckle internally at fate's way of cruelly reminding me of the life I was supposed to have led. Jake held my hand as we walked into the hospital and straight towards an office Carlisle was occupying for the duration of his stay. Dr. Gerandy wasn't there, but I didn't mind because Carlisle had centuries of experience on him, literally.

"Have a seat," Carlisle said gesturing to the chairs across from his own, he sat down with us, to make us feel more comfortable. "I'm afraid the news isn't the best."

Alice came to stand behind me from Carlisle's side. She placed a hand on my shoulder, and the other on Charlie's. I imagined Carlisle and Alice could hear the acceleration of my heart at his words. The anemia must be worse than Dr. Gerandy originally thought.

"So, what's the diagnosis, Dr. Cullen?" Charlie asked, gripping my hand in his. Jake, on the other side of me, gave my hand a sturdy squeeze.

"Please, I insist you call me Carlisle." he said, hesitating. "Dr. Gerandy informed you the blood counts were to rule out other problems, correct?" he paused, I nodded for him to continue. "Well it appears that anemia is just a symptom."

"A symptom of what?" Jake choked out.

"Along with a complete blood count, we performed a blood smear. Blast cells were found in the blood smear, and we can't be positive until a bone marrow biopsy is performed, but you seem to be experiencing symptoms of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia." Carlisle said slowly, with a grave expression. I could hear Charlie's sudden intake of air next to me, and Alice comforting him and Jake's hand in my own was shaking. "Bella, I assure you I am going to do everything in my power to ensure you are given the best medical treatment."


	5. Chapter 5

Please read and review guys :] so far you guys have been great!

Disclaimer- i do not own twilight, and my dreams aren't cool enough to be a pivotal scene in best-selling franchise like SM's are.

Chapter 5

I was unable to speak. Thoughts weren't even coherent in my own head, it was just nothingness. I was completely numb, and unsure if I even understood what Carlisle was saying. The only thought I had, that didn't fall into my complete oblivion was the memory of Edward's face. That was when anger pooled itself in my brain. But it didn't last very long. I couldn't muster up enough energy to be angry with him, this was just another one of fate's cruel jokes. Hey, remember how Edward left because him and his family were unable to resist your blood? Well, guess what? Now, your blood is malignant. Thanks fate. Thank you a lot. I knew I should be crying, or asking questions, or looking to a higher power. But I couldn't will myself to move. I should be strong, for Jake and Charlie. They deserved that much. Renee would be even more difficult, this would devastate her.

Charlie and Jacob had left the office, leaving me with Carlisle and Alice still explaining that nothing was conclusive yet. The next step was the bone marrow biopsy, and a lumbar puncture to assess my spinal column and brain. It was going to be painful, but Carlisle promised to perform the tasks of receiving the samples himself to ensure they would be done quickly and precisely. The journey to another hospital room was vague, Alice carried me and I stayed contently in my state of shock. Alice held my hand the entire time during the tests, doing her best to distract me from the pain. I was given anti-anxiety medications and the area the giant needle would be extracting samples from my hip was shot up with Lidocaine. The anesthetic alone caused immense discomfort. Alice began to chatter about shopping trips we were going to take soon. I laughed humorlessly, reminding her how much I loathed shopping and being Bella Barbie. I surprised Alice, Carlisle, and myself with my requested distraction.

"Tell me about Edward, that it was all real and not a fabrication developed by my wild imagination. And he genuinely, truly loved me. Just please." I cried, not caring about the pain it would later bring. "Alice, tell me about the future you saw for the two of us."

She complied with my wishes diffidently at first. She began at the point in time when he first began composing my lullaby. Alice told me about his side of our romance, and what happened when my mundane human need for sleep got the better of me. She told me about when he first came back, and how his future was constantly changing and she realized he was becoming attached to me in an irreversible way. Then to the time Tyler's van almost crushed me, but he was there to save my life. Edward told his family that he did it because if my blood had been spilled he wouldn't have been able to control himself, but the first thought he had when he saw the vision Alice had was, _not her. _Alice continued with the story I asked for more animatedly, and finally came to my birthday. She ended before everything went awry and decided to describe the future she had seen. In it I was a vampire, happily with Edward. Things worked out for the best.

"All done, Bella." Carlisle said.

"Thank you." I answered groggily, no longer distracted. Alice picked me up and carried me to where Jake and Charlie would be waiting, but placed me in a wheelchair before they saw the tiny pixie carrying me. Carlisle followed us.

"I think it's best Bella stays here in the hospital," he said when the three of us joined Jake and Charlie. "I'm going to put a rush on the lab work and I want to have everything deciphered as soon as possible."

Charlie thanked Carlisle for all his help, appreciation in his bloodshot eyes. I couldn't stand to see my father distraught. The excruciating pain of the spinal tap had flung me back to reality.

"Dad, everything is going to fine." I said, and hugged him tightly unsure of my own words. He hugged back and we stayed in the embrace longer than usual. Alice led us to a comfortable room in the hospital to wait for the results. I knew they would be in sooner than normal with my vampire doctor on the case.

After we were settled in the room, there was a light knock on the door. Alice answered it, and Esme and Jasper entered the cozy room. Esme came over to me before speaking and wrapped me in her cold, strong arms. Her face was filled with grief and sorrow. My almost mother-in-law delicately place a kiss on my forehead and fluffed my pillows and tucked that blankets tightly around me.

"Are you comfortable, dear?" she questioned in a nurturing tone.

"Yes, thank you for coming." I knew Charlie didn't know much about cancer and the tests, so the speed of everything probably didn't concern him. What would happen in a matter of days or weeks, happened in hours for me. Edward promised his family would no longer interfere in my life, but I was secretly glad they chose not to honor his promise. Not just for me, but I knew Charlie would need their support. Esme flitted about the room making sure the room would fit my needs for the time being. Charlie's eyes welled up with tears, and the sight overwhelmed me. I had no idea how to comfort him and was at a loss for words. Thankfully, Esme asked him to accompany her to the cafeteria. He agreed, leaving Alice, Jake, Jasper and I in the room.

"Do you.. C-Can you see if it's…?" I stuttered out the question to Alice, after Charlie would surely be out of hearing distance. Jasper sent me waves of calm after hearing the distress in my quavering voice.

"I'm not sure, of course, because Jacob is here. But, I'm fairly certain that is what the outcome will be. I'm sorry, Bella. I promise you I will not leave your side through this. We'll fight together." Alice said, forcing a smile for my sake.

"Alice, just promise me one thing." I said, hesitantly. She nodded. "Do not tell him." I didn't need to clarify who him was, or what she was to not tell him. She understood, was taken aback, but she understood.

"Jazz, Jake, can you let us have a moment?" she asked, and they agreed although Jake didn't want to leave my side. He had been very quiet through the whole ordeal. "Bella, I know you don't want me to inform him of your condition. But I need to tell you his."

"Don't. I can't bear it right now. The only thing I want to think about is Charlie, Renee, and Jake. And coming through this the human way."

"What do you mean, the human way?" she asked, honestly dumbfounded.

"We both know how I could be saved. It sincerely crossed my mind that you came here to do that, but I know better. I will not have him feeling guilty for my illness."

"Bella, you believe he feels guilty? That is far from" I cut her off before she could go any further.

"I don't want to know, Alice. Even if he did love me this is not the way I want to be remembered, it's going to get bad. But, that's not the case. So, let's just drop it. And not tell him."

"Okay, but Rosalie and Emmet are on a flight from Africa back to the United States to come be with you. I'm sorry. You are a part of our family. Even Rosalie wants to be here to help, and Emmet is desperate to help you through this with his positive spirit. Esme considers you to be her daughter, and she's going to be with you just as much as I am most likely. And Jasper as well." She said, smiling.

Our conversation was ended by Charlie and Esme entering the room. They both had cups of coffee in their hands, Esme courteously sipped hers with Charlie not showing the slightest form of distaste. Jasper and Jake came back soon after them, and Carlisle finally came to the room.

"Well, I see we have quite the gathering in here." For the first time, I saw Carlisle fake a smile. His countenance told me the answers I already knew. "I'm sorry, there is no easy way to say this. But it's what we thought." He let the words sink in.

"So what's the prognosis, Carlisle?" Charlie struggled to ask, Esme was at his side consoling him while trying to keep herself together.

"At Bella's age, the prognosis is more difficult. But it hasn't spread yet, so we have caught it early on. I want to have her transferred to University of Washington Medical Center. It's close to home and we also have an apartment in Seattle where we can all be close. Also it has been ranked number 6 in the United States for oncology centers. Once there we will begin her chemotherapy treatment. I know this is a lot to take in right now. And money is no issue Charlie, do not even begin to argue. We care for Bella deeply, and want to make certain that she receives the best medical treatment possible. If there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask, but for now you are free to go home and plan arrangements. My family will accompany you. After everything is settled in Seattle I will inform you when you should be there, it won't be long."

And like that arrangements were devised. Esme drove Charlie, Alice, Jake and I home in the Mercedes and Jasper followed in the cruiser without the slightest argument from Charlie. Jake remained silently stunned and his watery eyes watched my every movement as if it were my last. When we were finally home everyone insisted that I should rest and that everything would be taken care of. I tried walking to my room but Jasper had me in his arms before I arrived at foot of the stairs. Alice and Jake followed us, and when they were in my room they were quiet. I stumbled to my bed, pressing the stereo's play button on the way, and flopped onto the bed. The sound of my lullaby filled the air. Alice began to pack essential belongings for the move, forcing me back onto my bed when I hopelessly tried to assist her. I did demand that she pack my birthday present from Edward and the photos that were laying on my bed stand.

After a few hours, Carlisle arrived at the house in a Lexus SUV. Upon his arrival I was allowed to be out of bed again. Esme had cooked for Charlie and I while we waited for Carlisle, and I sent Jake home so he would be doing something useful. Charlie had mustered up enough energy and managed to hold himself together long enough to call Renee and tell her to fly in to Seattle to meet with us. He stressed the importance without worrying her too much, or so he told me. It was about 8:00 pm, mine and Charlie's bags were packed and ready to leave. Charlie called the station to inform them he wouldn't be back for a while, and his responsibilities were left to his second in command. This show of power reminded me of Sam and the pack and I wondered about Jake. I called to let him know I would be leaving soon, he promised to come to Seattle as soon as he could which would be in a few days along with Billy. I was glad Billy agreed to be there for Charlie, despite his prejudice against the Cullens. Then something that should have been on my mind all day finally emerged in my mind.

"Merry Christmas." I muttered inaudibly to myself, this wasn't what I had wanted to give Charlie for Christmas. My eyes welled up with tears, Alice must have seen something because she went to my room and came back down with a bag of gifts I had brought home with me from college. Funny, Christmas wasn't until Friday, here it was Saturday and I was heading back to Seattle shortly.

The drive to Seattle didn't phase me. I sat in the backseat of the Mercedes with Alice as Jasper drove, Carlisle and Esme drove the SUV with Charlie and our belongings. The whole car situation brought up memories of spring break my junior year, when I was being tracked by James. This was the same vehicle that brought me to Phoenix where I came so close to my death. I accepted the choices I made then, knowing they were what led me to Edward, believing I was dying in the place of someone I loved. What now? Who was I dying for now? This car was bringing me to Seattle. Phoenix was supposed to keep me safe, I wondered how Seattle would fare. Alice and Jasper wouldn't be able to protect me from myself, again. Edward wasn't going to come to rescue, there was no way he could by any means he felt comfortable with. Honestly, I didn't know how much longer I had. Most likely it wasn't that long, but somehow it felt like the last moments of my life were going to be the longest.

I began to regret making Alice promise not to tell Edward, but then again I didn't. Despite everything, I loved him too much to have him endure this. Hopefully his distractions would occupy his mind enough to free him from the guilt that my death would surely cause him. Maybe though, if I died from natural causes he wouldn't feel guilty at all. Now, there was a bright side to my dark life. Edward could continue existing in peace after I no longer inhabited the world, and that left me feeling serene.


End file.
